Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons
Bottoms Up
It seems that toilet habits, yes toilet habits in the US, and perhaps elsewhere, although you could never convince me of that, are not what they should be. They’re not up to snuff, so to speak. As a result, and in answer to this national, maybe international emergency, the fabled free market has stepped in and offered all the latest innovation and technological prowess in personal care products.
If we’re going to “Make America Great Again,” then toilet habits have to improve. Perhaps it may require an executive order? If they don’t, we may be in the same situation, boat or airplane, if I can use the cliché, of the criminals that our fearless leader is in the process of deporting en masse. Who knows what kinds of hygiene those folks have? In a nation filled with those who identify as white supremacists, a more perfect hygiene is in order. We can’t dehumanize many enough, so perhaps on their way out to concentration camps, and the camps we subsidize elsewhere, they could benefit from the new order of the day in terms of toilet habits. The government could give those departing souls a sort of unwelcome pack including wipes.
There are several producers of the item that I will now unmask. Cottonelle FreshCare Flushable Wipes seem to be one of the leaders in getting asses clean and ready for the new day of great expectations and achievements. Imagine what the fascists of old could have achieved and what they could have conquered with clean asses. However, some plumbers, whether Trump supporters or not, have a bone to pick, or an issue to raise, as toilet supremacy with wipes comes into general use. These tradespeople recognize the great national risks in plugging up our pipes, sewerage, and septic systems. Forget globalization, since when these babies get going, there will be nothing holding the economy back from ever-greater heights. Our very own fat-ass führer could lead the way to this national greatness and slap tariffs on those beyond our borders and shores who dare to compete with wipes of their own nefarious making.